From the Tyler Morning Telegraph:
By KENNETH DEAN
Staff Writer
After her 18-year-old son Jared's suicide, Carol Johnson said she felt helpless and even had thoughts of taking her own life.
But, with the help of a group called Compassionate Friends and networking with others who have suffered a loss of a loved one by their own hand, the Lindale native was able to regain control of her life and move forward.
Ms. Johnson is now armed with experience and ready to help others with her newly founded group, Touched by Suicide.
But Ms. Johnson said those contemplating suicide need more help in East Texas, and prevention and signs should be taught in local schools to help battle the problem with school-age children and to teach them early that help is available.
“Suicide is part of an illness. You don't just wake up one day and say, ‘I'm going to kill myself.' There needs to be more education on this subject, because every 16 minutes in this country alone someone takes their life,” she said.
COMFORT AND HOPE
Joy Biggs said she too struggled with every day life after her son Josh Dunlap took his life in 2004.
As she reached out for help, she quickly learned there were no groups in the area for those left behind by suicide.
Ms. Biggs said she researched and learned there was a Suicide Survival Therapy course in Dallas, so for eight weeks, she traveled back and forth to attend the classes.
“It was very helpful and taught me how to deal with some of the feelings I had. Josh was my son and I just felt like at times I had failed him in some ways. There was a lot of guilt,” she said.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the feelings for those left behind after a family member commits suicide include shock, symptoms of depression, anger, relief (because it may have ended a long and difficult mental illness) and guilt.
Ms. Biggs, Ms. Johnson and David Terrell, who lost his son Andy to suicide in 2003, all said the help and support from others going through the same thing is what pulled them through the difficult times.
“There is no map on this path to becoming whole after the loss of a loved one to suicide. It is the most painful of journeys — full of twists and turns, bruised hearts and misunderstandings. Small wonders appear on this path, but we may be too sore or fragile to recognize them. But there will be a day when you can look back and know that they were there,” the AFSP Survivor Council states in a brochure.
In Dallas organizers have put together conferences and “Out of the Darkness Walks” to bring survivors together and to gain attention for their cause.
Ms. Johnson said while her group is relatively new, it already is helping those who are participating, and she hopes to grow the group so that more families can begin the healing process.
“I know someone that had not talked about the suicide in their family for 20 years. That is a long time to hold something in, and now they are talking about it and it is helping,” she said.
EDUCATION AND PREVENTION
The main resources for those contemplating suicide in the Tyler area are the Andrews Center and the East Texas Medical Center's Behavioral Health Center, but there is no area crisis line where one can talk immediately to a trained counselor.
Lacy Canion, ETMC Behavioral Health Center operations manager, said the reason is because of the possibility for liability.
Ms. Canion said she lost an immediate family member to suicide after she began her career in helping others, and she knows the pain of wondering why a family member would take his or her life.
Ms. Canion agreed with Ms. Johnson and Ms. Biggs, saying more could be done, but added her facility has trained counselors and psychiatric professionals to work with those with thoughts of suicide.
Ms. Johnson said, however, that everyday people need to be educated about the signs of someone thinking about suicide because often times the hospitals will release a person after a few days, and then they are thrust back into reality with all of the same problems.
The hospital “had Jared for four days, and then they sent him home with no instructions as to what I should do or look for,” she said.
Terrell said prevention begins with discussion and Ms. Biggs said schools need to get on board and start programs for children.
“There needs to be more discussion about this because it is very real and it affects a lot of people,” Terrell said. “The people who commit suicide truly believe there is no other way. The more we can talk about it, then the chances of preventing it increases,” Terrell said.
SIGNS AND WARNINGS
Professionals say there are clear warning signs when it comes to someone thinking about suicide and knowing the signs can save a life.
According to the AFSP, the imminent dangers include threatening to hurt or harm self, looking for ways to kill self, talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, or has made plans for a serious attempt. Someone who starts giving all of their possessions away also may be contemplating suicide.
Other indicators may include insomnia, intense anxiety or panic attacks, a feeling of being trapped or hopeless, full of rage and anger or feeling as if there is no reason to live.
Between 50 and 75 percent of all suicides had warning signs, and the person had give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
Professionals say if you notice the signs in a loved one, then talk to them and if needed seek help immediately.
Ms. Biggs said her son had two failed suicide attempts before he took his life, but she said he did display the warning signs.
However, she added he knew how to say just the right things and was even released from hospitals because he convinced the professionals he was OK.
Ms. Johnson said she is optimistic because the topic of suicide is finally garnering the attention of the U.S. military and she hopes studies the government is doing will give new insights about the problem.
“We need more prevention and just talking about it is a prevention tool. By not talking about it we are just ostracizing people,” she said.
Ms. Johnson’s group meets the second Tuesday of every month at the East Texas Center for Independent Living, 4713 Troup Highway. Ms. Johnson said anyone who wants to attend can call her at 903-574-3127.
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Families Who Lost Loved Ones To Suicide Open Up About Effects, Need For Awareness
By KENNETH DEAN
Staff Writer
LINK to Tyler Morning Telegraph
Emotions rack the mind with numbing pain, mixed with feelings of disbelief and seething anger, as friends and family struggle to find words to comfort those left behind when a loved one commits suicide.
Society has placed a stigma on suicide, which not only condemns the person who has committed suicide, but in many cases, sees people abandon their friends and family because they fear the unmentionable act might spread to their own family.
"Talking about suicide is like saying 'sex' and 'pregnant' in the 1940s and 50s. Everyone is afraid it will spread and it's not sociably acceptable to talk about," David Terrell said.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide and wish to talk to someone, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to be connected to a suicide prevention and crisis center in your area.
A suicide and crisis number for the Dallas area is 1-866-672-5100.
For more information about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention visit the organization's Web site at www.afsp.org.
Touched by Suicide, contact Carol Johnson at 903-574-3127.
Terrell and several others agreed to sit down with the Tyler Courier-Times--Telegraph recently and speak candidly about the effects suicide has had on themselves and their families.
One main point the group wanted to punctuate is that any family can be touched by suicide. Statistics now show every 16 minutes, someone commits suicide in America.
THE ANGER
Those gathered talked about a wide variety of emotions they have dealt with over the years, but they all agreed anger surfaced more than the rest.
"The worst thing is there is no one to blame. You have all of this anger but no one to really be angry at because that person is the person you loved. If someone walked up and shot my son dead, then I could be angry at them. But I loved my son, so how can I be angry at him?" Terrell said as tears filled his eyes.
Terrell's son, John Andrew "Andy" Terrell, was 31 when he took his life by hanging himself at Pier 1 Imports in Tyler on Nov. 25, 2003 after struggling with marriage and financial problems.
Terrell said he talked to his son the night before he died and the conversation was of pending plans for Thanksgiving, with no indication anything was wrong.
"He told me, 'I'll see you this weekend,' and the next morning I was called and told he had hung himself," he said.
Joy Biggs said she was mad at the doctors involved in her son Josh Dunlap's care because instead of giving him psychiatric counseling for his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they prescribed a variety of medicines.
Josh Biggs, who had just completed his master's degree in landscape architecture, took his life in a motel room on May 24, 2004, after at least two attempts at the age of 32.
His mother said her son was tormented with his illness for years and suffered greatly from long-term insomnia, which only served to intensify his mental illness.
"He was just worn out with his battle with OCD. He was so ashamed of the illness that his closest and dearest friends didn't even know he had a problem," she said.
Biggs said psychiatry has moved too far into medicating the patients and away from psychotherapy with one-on-one treatment.
"You do have a lot of anger and it has to go somewhere," she said.
A DIRTY WORD
The word "suicide" is met with thoughts of weakness, one's inability to cope with society and a litany of other stigmas, but the loved ones left behind say it can happen to any family.
"It's not a weak person who commits suicide. It's a person with an illness. You don't just wake up and decide you're going to kill yourself," Carol Johnson said.
Johnson's 18-year-old son, Jared, shot and killed himself in a bathroom inside her home in Lindale on Sept. 27, 2005.
"He borrowed a gun from his grandmother to go "target shooting," hugged her, then went home, locked himself in the bathroom and shot himself," she said.
Johnson said her son had been treated for having thoughts of suicide, but had a lot of love and support and had been doing well up until his death.
"Suicide many times leaves loved ones being ostracized. I had people I knew that when I saw them in the grocery store after Jared's death they would walk the other way," she said.
Biggs agreed and added her thoughts on people and their beliefs about suicide.
"The ideas which are still circulating around in our society about suicide are archaic," she said. "We need some discussion about this because only that will get this out in the open."
With a raised quivering voice, Terrell said he had people tell him his son was in Purgatory because he took his own life.
"That is not something a parent wants to hear about their child and it is something that should not be said," he said as tears filled his eyes.
But, dealing with others and losing friends because a suicide has struck a family is only half of the effects -- the other is coping with the aftermath.
STRAINED RELATIONSHIPS
At her special place in the Tyler Children's Park, Biggs remembers her son, Josh, and exhales to catch her breath.
Biggs explained Josh had been a part of the early planning of the park and he told her one day she would need a special place all to herself.
"I go there to think and be close to him. It is my special place," she said. "This was my son and I loved him and I just want to be close to him."
Terrell said his son's death changed his family forever and left it shattered.
"My (former) wife has a different husband and I have a different wife. Suicide changes everything and nothing is the same from the day it happens," he said. "I am not the same before Andy's death and neither is my wife."
Biggs and Terrell agreed, saying they lost friendships and relationships within the family unit are strained to breaking points.
"Suicide leaves a fractured family. My daughter said our family was like Humpty Dumpty. We've been put back together, but the cracks are still there and they run deep," Biggs said.
As a family struggles to find itself after suicide, there are many issues to deal with to attempt to move forward.
Johnson said for her, the main obstacle to overcome surrounding her son's death was the guilt.
"As a mom, the guilt was horrible at first. I loved Jared and still love him, but I am finally free of the guilt. After a lot of time and talking to others, I finally know I didn't do anything wrong," she said.
Monday: The series continues with a look at prevention and services for families struck by suicide.
Staff Writer
LINK to Tyler Morning Telegraph
Emotions rack the mind with numbing pain, mixed with feelings of disbelief and seething anger, as friends and family struggle to find words to comfort those left behind when a loved one commits suicide.
Society has placed a stigma on suicide, which not only condemns the person who has committed suicide, but in many cases, sees people abandon their friends and family because they fear the unmentionable act might spread to their own family.
"Talking about suicide is like saying 'sex' and 'pregnant' in the 1940s and 50s. Everyone is afraid it will spread and it's not sociably acceptable to talk about," David Terrell said.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide and wish to talk to someone, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to be connected to a suicide prevention and crisis center in your area.
A suicide and crisis number for the Dallas area is 1-866-672-5100.
For more information about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention visit the organization's Web site at www.afsp.org.
Touched by Suicide, contact Carol Johnson at 903-574-3127.
Terrell and several others agreed to sit down with the Tyler Courier-Times--Telegraph recently and speak candidly about the effects suicide has had on themselves and their families.
One main point the group wanted to punctuate is that any family can be touched by suicide. Statistics now show every 16 minutes, someone commits suicide in America.
THE ANGER
Those gathered talked about a wide variety of emotions they have dealt with over the years, but they all agreed anger surfaced more than the rest.
"The worst thing is there is no one to blame. You have all of this anger but no one to really be angry at because that person is the person you loved. If someone walked up and shot my son dead, then I could be angry at them. But I loved my son, so how can I be angry at him?" Terrell said as tears filled his eyes.
Terrell's son, John Andrew "Andy" Terrell, was 31 when he took his life by hanging himself at Pier 1 Imports in Tyler on Nov. 25, 2003 after struggling with marriage and financial problems.
Terrell said he talked to his son the night before he died and the conversation was of pending plans for Thanksgiving, with no indication anything was wrong.
"He told me, 'I'll see you this weekend,' and the next morning I was called and told he had hung himself," he said.
Joy Biggs said she was mad at the doctors involved in her son Josh Dunlap's care because instead of giving him psychiatric counseling for his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they prescribed a variety of medicines.
Josh Biggs, who had just completed his master's degree in landscape architecture, took his life in a motel room on May 24, 2004, after at least two attempts at the age of 32.
His mother said her son was tormented with his illness for years and suffered greatly from long-term insomnia, which only served to intensify his mental illness.
"He was just worn out with his battle with OCD. He was so ashamed of the illness that his closest and dearest friends didn't even know he had a problem," she said.
Biggs said psychiatry has moved too far into medicating the patients and away from psychotherapy with one-on-one treatment.
"You do have a lot of anger and it has to go somewhere," she said.
A DIRTY WORD
The word "suicide" is met with thoughts of weakness, one's inability to cope with society and a litany of other stigmas, but the loved ones left behind say it can happen to any family.
"It's not a weak person who commits suicide. It's a person with an illness. You don't just wake up and decide you're going to kill yourself," Carol Johnson said.
Johnson's 18-year-old son, Jared, shot and killed himself in a bathroom inside her home in Lindale on Sept. 27, 2005.
"He borrowed a gun from his grandmother to go "target shooting," hugged her, then went home, locked himself in the bathroom and shot himself," she said.
Johnson said her son had been treated for having thoughts of suicide, but had a lot of love and support and had been doing well up until his death.
"Suicide many times leaves loved ones being ostracized. I had people I knew that when I saw them in the grocery store after Jared's death they would walk the other way," she said.
Biggs agreed and added her thoughts on people and their beliefs about suicide.
"The ideas which are still circulating around in our society about suicide are archaic," she said. "We need some discussion about this because only that will get this out in the open."
With a raised quivering voice, Terrell said he had people tell him his son was in Purgatory because he took his own life.
"That is not something a parent wants to hear about their child and it is something that should not be said," he said as tears filled his eyes.
But, dealing with others and losing friends because a suicide has struck a family is only half of the effects -- the other is coping with the aftermath.
STRAINED RELATIONSHIPS
At her special place in the Tyler Children's Park, Biggs remembers her son, Josh, and exhales to catch her breath.
Biggs explained Josh had been a part of the early planning of the park and he told her one day she would need a special place all to herself.
"I go there to think and be close to him. It is my special place," she said. "This was my son and I loved him and I just want to be close to him."
Terrell said his son's death changed his family forever and left it shattered.
"My (former) wife has a different husband and I have a different wife. Suicide changes everything and nothing is the same from the day it happens," he said. "I am not the same before Andy's death and neither is my wife."
Biggs and Terrell agreed, saying they lost friendships and relationships within the family unit are strained to breaking points.
"Suicide leaves a fractured family. My daughter said our family was like Humpty Dumpty. We've been put back together, but the cracks are still there and they run deep," Biggs said.
As a family struggles to find itself after suicide, there are many issues to deal with to attempt to move forward.
Johnson said for her, the main obstacle to overcome surrounding her son's death was the guilt.
"As a mom, the guilt was horrible at first. I loved Jared and still love him, but I am finally free of the guilt. After a lot of time and talking to others, I finally know I didn't do anything wrong," she said.
Monday: The series continues with a look at prevention and services for families struck by suicide.
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